the beauty in brokenness


"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain. Pain is God's megaphone to rouse a deaf world." C.S. Lewis 

Whatever you consider your "pain" or suffering, know He wants to use that to draw you to Himself.

I think of the times of "pain" in my life; disappoints, frustrations, hurt, waiting, longing, uncertainity, fear, but mostly the pain from carrying the weight of sin and trying to "do" on my own, that I was never intended to do or carry.

There is such beauty in brokenness

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." 2 Corinthians 4:16


I am so thankful for this and for every new day! A chance to start over, to begin your day anew, a reset button. The sun rise is a beatiful promise of Him who is faithful and of a new day, a fresh beginning. The confession and the forgiveness of our sins is just that!  Like the clearing after a storm, what sights and beauty to follow.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, therefore I will hope in him. The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him." Lamentations 3:22-25

There tends to be these cycles or seasons in my life, maybe for you too. The times where you are flying high and mightily in the Lord, you walk in that He truly is your joy, strength, sustainer, sufficieny. Then comes a time of darkness that creeps in from a hard and heavy season, from discouragement in your life, a waiting time, feeling out of place or insecure and in those times our focus can become so narrow and so focused on "me" and what's immediately in front of me; rather than the perspective and hope of tomorrow and eternity. When were self focused, our selfishness gets a hold of us, our prayer life becomes about "me", our relationships become selfish, and we become takers, rather than givers.

As I grow in sight and view of how mighty and sovereign and true God is, a lesser view of self, and a greater view of sin, I find myself more and more grieved and weighed down by the areas of sin in my life that He exposes and works out in me. It physically and emotionally feels exhausting, and at the point of exhaustion from trying to carry it on my own and "fix" on my own, I'm left with nothing but to hand it over to Him, and there comes the freedom, the joy, when the weight of sin and burden of doing is lifted.


"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
 Matthew 11:28-30


"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9


Lay your deadly down
Down at Jesus' Feet
Stand in Him, in Him alone
Gloriously complete

No other person or thing offers freedom, peace, and satisfaction as in the person of Jesus and I am so thankful to bring these things before Him.

"For they (our earthly fathers) disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but He (our heavenly Father) disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:10-11




Discipline is vision of shaping for the future that has work today. To live is Christ, and to die is gain. To live is not self. These days on earth are shaping and preparing us. That preparation comes today, today's work.
"When I understand that everything happening to me is to make me more Christlike, it solves a great deal of anxiety." A.W. Tozer

Perspective is a game changer. Consider Psalm 73 . The Psalmist struggles as he sees those around him not following after the Lord "appearing" to have THE life. They get everything they want and enjoy everything at what seems to be at no consequence. 

"For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. They have no struggles...They are free from common human burdens...From their callous hearts comes iniquity...'Does the Most High know anything?'...Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure and have washed my hands in innocence...When I tried to understand all this, it troubled me deeply. Until..." Oh am I thankful and in need of the until...


"until I entered the sanctuary of God, then I understood their final destiny." Psalm 73:3-17


"When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a  brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. 
My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion
forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful
to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
I will tell of your deeds." Psalm 73:21-28


Whom is your refuge, your sight? To whom or to what do you turn to?

As Hezekiah turned to the Lord in 2 Kings 19:14 and spread the pages of a threatening letter before the Lord not knowing what to do, that's what I invision my confessions, prayers, writings in a journal are; spreading the pages of my life before Him in the limited view I have before Him and ask Him to take it, do what He will with and give me His perspective.

"All of us have inflated views of ourselves, especially in self-righteousness, until we have visited a place called Calvary. It is there, at the foot of the cross, that we shrink to our true size." C.J. Mahaney



I need to visit the cross daily. I need the gospel and grace every day. Remember the Lord. Remember the cross. Remember the Lord. Begin your day expecting God; end your day rememberig Him.

I want to walk with His guidance and purpose to each step I take. And that takes a yielding of self and being humbly submitted to Him, seeking and listening for the Holy Spirit's leading.


"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it.' " Isaiah 30:21


"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain. Pain is God's megaphone to rouse a deaf world." C.S. Lewis

Never would I have known the fulllness of Christ that I know today if it weren't for Him allowing and using the flames to refine me. He isn't done with me, refine me all my days.

Fire purifies what it cannot destroy and destroys what it cannot purify. 

"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver." Malachi 3:3

"For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver." Psalm 66:10

"But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold." Job 23:10


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Posted in: on Wednesday, July 27, 2011 at 0 comments

begin...end

Begin your day expecting God, end your day remembering Him

A great book that I read at the beginning of this year that still is resting in and doing a work in me.
"True Humility" by C.J. Mahaney

Here is a practical list like summary of the book and I believe these will tranform your days

As Each Day Begins:
Begin your day acknowledging your dependence upon God and your need for God.
Begin your day expressing gratefulness to God.
Practice the spiritual disciplines - prayer, study of God's Word, worship. Do these consistently and each day.
Seize your commute time to memorize and meditate on Scripture.
Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.


As Each Day Ends:
At the end of the day, transfer glory to God.
Before going to sleep, receive this gift of sleep from God acknowledge His purpose for sleep.


Throughout your days and week:
Identify evidences of grace in others.
Encourage and serve others each and every day.
Invite and pursure correction.
Respond humbly to trials.

Always:
Reflect on the wonder of the Cross

Begin your day expecting God, end your day remembering Him

Posted in: on Thursday, May 19, 2011 at 0 comments

...and God knew


"During those many days the king of Egypt died, and the people of Israel groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help. Their cry for rescue from slavery came up to God. And God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. God saw the people of Israel—and God knew."  Exodus 2:23-25 (ESV)

He knew the time had come, He knew their affliction and suffering and said no more.

Another familiar verse that pulled my heart string. Perhaps it's because there are times I struggle to walk in His fullness, in His assurance because I can make life about me and what I long for, what I hope to see come to be. I cry to the Lord and wonder if it comes up to Him, to His ear. Does He hear and know? The timing of His word is always perfect to meet the times of weakness. 

"Even youths shall faint and be weary and young men shall fall exhausted;  but  they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles;  they shall run and not be weary;  they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:30-31

Feel like God doesn't "know" your longings, sufferings, hurts, needs, questions, doubts, your waiting...He does

Just as Israel's "cry came up to God" so does yours...

As God's chosen people had to wait for Moses to raise up and deliver them from Pharaoh, so we too are in that waiting time. You may be waiting to be delivered from some hurt, circumstances, a standstill and we are all in the waiting room of being brought to glory for eternity. But what about the time in between while we wait...how are we to live?

Today makes me reflect on that 'in between' as Jesus was crucified and buried and those who followed Him had hoped for deliverance from earthly power, and now what...He was buried. What disappointments, confusion, frustration, despair and lost of hope. Until His glorious appearing and hope of glory! Today represents in a day what we do with our time on earth. The waiting and in between until glory. How to live...

Psalm 126 comes from a people who are living between the times, between a good time remembered and another good time hoped for. Psalm 126:1-3 gives a past remembered when the Israelites were delivered from Babylon; what He's done in the past. Brought them such joy.  Then v.4-6 is looking forward to, hoping for a harvest in the future. The seed sown to reap a harvest. What is the seed? The Word of God. 

Luke 8:11-15 is the parable of the sower and what prevents the seed from reaping a harvest. On the path, the enemy snatches the seed away. On the rock, trials and testing cause the seed to fall away where it had no root. In the thorns, the seed is choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures. Then on the good soil, a noble, good and sincere heart, hears the Word, retains it, and produces it. 

Do you find that you hear hundreds of messages, memorize scripture, read many books, mark up our Bibles yet remain unchanged or still struggling with the same issues? "The seed of God's word can fill our stomachs and give us immediate satisfaction and still not produce a harvest - that's when we eat it but don't sow it. Many times we apply biblical truth to our theologies without applying it to the actual practicalities of life." 

We weren't meant to just eat the seed (The Word) but to sow it, apply it to practical living, not just digest it in our stomach, ears, and memories but allow the Spirit's work to produce the change in us. When a seed is sown it produces a harvest of sheaves, that's what we are meant to eat from; the sheaves, not the seed. The harvest of the waiting. He who promised is faithful. 

Psalm 126:6 promises reaping songs of joy carrying sheaves with them as a result of those carrying the bag of seed to be sown. 

What part does faith and patience play in our wait as we obey God and look for the first sprout of harvest? Faith, believe, and trust that He will faithfully bring a harvest when we are obedient in love by His doing and empowering, not ours. Patience to endure and not give up because the harvest will come. 

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" Galatians 6:9

A past remembered, a time to come hoped for, and living in the in between. Patiently reap a harvest. 




The fruit and reward of obedience may not be in this life.  Just as God dealt with that stone and rolled it away that morning Christ conquered death, He too can deal with the stones that need to be rolled away in your life. Christ is the hope of glory in you!

...and God knew

"when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons." Galatians 4:4-5

"We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God." 2 Corinthians 5:20


Oh Glorious Day - "Living He loved me, dying He saved me, buried He carried my sins far away, rising He justified, freely forever, one day He's coming oh glorious day"

"The Lord is my strength and my song, He has become my victory."  Psalm 118:14

Posted in: on Saturday, April 23, 2011 at 0 comments

At the Table - 2 Samuel 9

The life journal reading plan today included 2 Samuel 9 - an incredible picture of grace in the Old Testament and reminded me of something I wrote years ago in 2007 and wanted to add here:


The lyrics to a song remind me of a great pictute of grace in the Bible…first read these lyrics:

 Bethany Dillon's "You Are On Our Side" 
The orphan clings to Your hand. Singing the song of how he was found.
 The widow rejoices for her oppressors are silenced now.
You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor. 
 You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore. 
 When You could just be silent and leave us here to die. 
 Still, You sent Your Son for us. You are on our side.
The runaway falls at your feet. You are what he has searched for.
 The rich man is broken, when he stands beneath a sky full of stars.

In 2 Samuel 9, King David, seeks out a man named Mephiboseth. And I know…who cares, I can't even pronounce his name, but let me back up here. See David had been constantly living with a threat on his life by a jealous power hungry King Saul. Saul's son Jonathan became David's best friend, practically a brother (1 Sam 18:1-3). They made an oath to each other to care for each other's family (1 Sam 20:14-17). So David seeked out any living family members from Jonathan and found his crippled son Mephiboseth after Saul and Jonathan were killed and David now reigned as King, by God's calling on his life.


Usually when a new line of kingship takes the throne, the previous king and his family are killed and eliminated from taking the throne again. Imagine Mephiboseth's fear as he prostrates himself before King David, whom he knew his grandfather Saul relentlessly saught to take his life due to jealousy. David had something else in mind - he brought Mephiboseth to be at his table and live with him as family. A crippled man at a King's table. Considered an invalid, no longer an heir to any throne being crippled; lack of any significance, worth, or royalty. But David because of his friendship with Jonathan and knowing the grace and mercy of God was able to extend it to those consider unworthy of such a gift. And Mephiboseth got his grandfather Saul's, David's enemy, land and became like a son to David. (2 Sam 9:11). 

 What an incredible picture, of king David, pursuing a crippled man, the grandson of his enemy Saul, but the son of a dear friend Jonathan, is welcomed to his table and made his son. This is our story. Because of Jesus, we too are able to sit as Jesus' table, broken and crippled and a mess. We inherit His land and become His children. Nothing by our own merit, but simply by the unconditional love of a Father! We are welcomed at the King's table!
As a crippled, we are immobilized to do anything. I am so glad to have this need for Jesus! 
 I am learning more and more how different we are. He is faithful; I am unfaithful. 
 He is just, honest, fair; I am partial. He is wholly devoted, unconditionally loving; 
 I am half-heartedly distracted who loves when it's convenient, comfortable and safe.
 He is immovable, unshakeable; my faith is rocked at the slightest wind. He is selfless and giving; I am selfish and self-seeking. He has eternal perspective; I have material perspective. 
 God is not easily impressed with me, but "is most glorified in me when I am most satisfied in Him" (John Piper).


May we extend such grace and mercy to those undeserving as we receive His grace and mercy to us who are so undeserving. I can only imagine a heart of gratitude Mephiboseth had all his day; I long to live out of that gratitude..."Oh for grace to trust Him more".

 I am a cripple, at the King's table, thank you healer!

Posted in: on Monday, February 7, 2011 at 0 comments

the good life of His loving-kindness

 Jonah 2:8
"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." (NIV)
"Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love." (ESV)
"Those who cling to worthless idols forsake faithful love." (Holman)
"Those who worship false gods turn their back on all God's mercies." (NLT)

Saying yes to one thing, means saying no to something else. We are faced with choices everyday. Some seemingly insignificant and others of great magnitude. Every choice, every step is walking in the direction in pursuit of Christ or a step backwards or maybe even in the opposite direction.

As I was reading through Jonah, 2:8 shouted at me and stopped me in my tracks. For my own life; for those who continue to cling to things of the world and neglect or ignore the things of God and His way of life. Why do we hold on to things we think are of value and importance so tightly in a closed fists? Because we are afraid of giving them up, letting them go; afraid we will missing out on something; afraid we won't be happy or complete without?

When I view the distractions and desires of my heart and mind as an idol that causes me to "forfeit the grace that could be [mine]" (NIV) or "forsake faithful love" (Holman) then I see them with disgust and want to aggressively uproot them! I want to walk in "hope of steadfast love" (ESV). The problem is I don't always view my sin through that lense; instead sin can just sometimes be distracting things that "I'm working through"; really making an excuse to let them linger around and entrap me further away from His loving-kindness. That's the deception and depravity of sin.

Jesus paid my ransom and redeemed me from sin's hold on my life and the penalty of sin that He took in my place. But I still choose sin at times. True repentance of sin is not in hopes of avoiding or removing consequences, to "feel" better, or to check a box, but a broken heart that is in opposition to a holy loving patient God who is worthy of our affection. When I cling to sin and idols I am neglecting His everlasting covenantal love He offers through the blood of Christ on the cross and His victory over death freeing us from all bondage, slavery, and judgment. Offering a redeemed, reconciled whole life, yet I still choose sin and forsake this.

You've probably heard the phrase that God's economy/kingdom is upside down. His ways are not only not the ways of this world, but also not our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). What things the world regards to as "good life" usually consist of health, wealth, good looks, popularity, power, fame, material things, etc. We are made for more! To have life and life abundantly. This is not an term relating to material wealth, but spiritual health that will enrich lives more than any dollar or amount of things. Has to do with knowing God and believing Him (not just in Him, but Him Himself), glorifiying the King, finding satisfaction in Him, experiencing God's peace, enjoying God's presence, purpose, and plan for your life, knowing we are loved and welcomed inspite of our depravity and separation due to sin. Because of the cross we can have an abundant life - to know Him and be known by Him!

The word used in Jonah 2:8 as grace (NIV), steadfast love (ESV), faithful love (Holman), mercies (NLT) is the most amazing Hebrew word in the Bible: chesed. God's loving-kindness, everlasting, steadfast, unfailing, covenantal love. This has been my favorite word study of the enter old testament, the pages are filled with it. I long to know, experience, and walk in His chesed more and more, yet when I choose those idols I am forsaking that very loving-kindness I seek. May God's covenantal love be my focus, view, lense to which I see all things. This is the word that I've always wanted to get a tattoo of and someday, when I figure out where, I want it to remind me that His loving-kindness is more than anything else I could pursue, choose, or cling to.

Why do I choose things that are less fulfilling, that appeal as the "good life", that over-promise and under-deliver...because I am a work in progress, being sancitified everyday by Jehovah-mekoddishkem (The Lord who sanctifies you). I'm glad these are struggling issues because that means the work of Christ is waging war within me against my flesh. When things are removed from my life (Job 1:21) it's for God's glory and for my sancifitication. In the struggle, know God is pursuing and battling for your sanctification to be whole and complete in Him, for a different kind of "good life" He would have for you. He is jealous for you and does not want to share your hearts affections with anyone or anything. Struggle well...


"You are a tree that never would have rooted so well if the wind had not rocked you to and fro, and made you take firm hold upon the precious truths of the covenant grace." Watchman Nee
"What is an idol? It is anything more important to you than God, anything that absorbs your heart and imagination more than God, anything you seek to give you what only God can give... We never imagine that getting our heart's deepest desires might be the worst things that can ever happen to us...it's because our hearts fashion these desires into idols...If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." Counterfeit Gods by Tim Keller
These are some lyrics from an song long ago..."Good Life" by Audio Adrenaline:

Poverty has changed me view of what true riches are
Sorrow's opened up my eyes to see what real joy is
Pain has been the catalyst to my heart's happiness

What good would it be if you had everything
But you wouldn't have the only thing you need

This is the good life
I've lost everything, I could ever want, and ever dream of
This is the good life
I found everything, I could ever need, here in Your arms

"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs. But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the Lord." Jonah 2:8-9

Posted in: on Saturday, January 22, 2011 at 0 comments

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